I’ve written about this day a thousand and one times i believe, but its just like a book that continues to be written; this day hasn’t become another day of the year. This is the most life changing day of my life thus far. All my thoughts on life and love changed that day. I never understood all these love stories and felt that what they portrayed was all fictional in fact I felt whoever had began this fad was quite insane. Untill I expirenced the most out of this world sentiment, I fell in love with someone who I had barely known I have a vague recollection of these events because they just seemed to happen in a blink of an eye. Falling in love was the scariest thing that could have ever happened to me. Simply because I was never taught how to love I think most people dont realize this but they are taught how to love. Unfortunately no one taught me I was just thrown into the world not ready for that challenge. He just felt right since the begin I mean I dont know what love is completely there are still aspects of this feeling that only come with time I am but of course only 19 so its fine that im still not in the big leagues when it comes to love. But from what I know love is the most painful pleasure there is. Loving someone so much that it phsically hurts is a delicious kind of pain. Its amazing how someone could mean so much to you…being in their arms made everything seem so un important every huge boulder seemed so miniscule. Like with a touch they could make everything dissapear. Feeling so connected spirtually not just physically. That kind of sick love that you’d never like to let go of that’s the kind of love I had. I call it sick love because being soo intertwined to me is sickening. A love for the ages. Maybe the only true love I will ever know. And what’s the best it’s that I found love early on in life so with time this love has evolved. I have explored new sides of it and with every year that comes by I love said person alittle more. Im a coward when it comes to love. Ahhh another year
MY WORDS HELP ME LIVE <3
my life will someday revolve literature because if there is anything i can trust that wont ever fail me is words. they'll be with me untill the day i die. my last words will speak of poetry and mystery. because of this beautiful art i dont explode i dont drownd in my own sorrow. WORDS.
that crazy month where everyone begins to feel excited. people begin to smell hope..crazy as it may sound May is just May. May means mothers day which might sound corny; should be everyday. May means only one more month till summer. quite personally i hate summer and everything that comes along with that dreadful season. sweaty people rubbing up against sweatier people. unbearable heat, the very predictable summer love, graduations, proms, beaches packed with creepy people, the ocastional female nudity ( well the only thing that makes me pro summer) in fact summer just means im another year older.
NAKED WOMEN ARE AN ART, BUT POSTING UP 4035I340I064I304634 PICTURES OF NAKED WOMEN IS JUST SAD.
sometimes i wonder when people die where do they actualloy go i mean their spirits like i always talk about the mean things i would do to people once i was dead like you know scare them. lmao but i dont know whqat the actual rules for death are like do we get a few days to harrass people or do we just stop exsisting right away. i nwould really like to iknow that like you know jhust in case i die. like it would be nice to know if io could scare all my family memebers or just let them know im ok. isuddenloy death feels like it could just happen like you know outta no where get pushed into a moving vehicle. yup death is freaaaagggin crazsy lmao
dont wana close my eyes dont wana fall asleep, cause i’d miss you babe…..and i dont wana miss a thing.
posting stuff here has become so un important, when before it was the only way i could find alittle comfort. today ive had alot of thoughts about alot of things. all along i believed i would find you…seems nice i thought things could just work themselves out like usual but there only so many re do’s in life and i guess i have re done it one too many times.thought number two..what happen to all my friends? well the few i had. after highschool some people liked to think they will keep in touch truth is about 20% of these frienships actually last. and lasty what is my purpose and is it all worth it? who knows. i saw some profile today on facebook and it was a dead guy whom his friends seemed to really misss because hes gone now…but during his ife time all those people werent there talking to him or posting on his wall..why is it that only after he died all these people began to care. why does death give people and excuse to care isnt it pointless they are gone now why do you have to act like you care now..they are not necessarily here with you unless you believe that the dead are among us. i dont know i would always like to think that people should know how much you care about them during there life time not once they are dead…its so much less important then. but who am i kidding i have friends that would hurt so much if they died doesnt make me any closer to them doesnt make me write to them any quicker….but i dont understand why that is so.
life and death isnt the easy thing to figure out…
my life has been put to the challenge…i dont really know what to do anymore. my life use to be driven by a goal the goal is still there but things are getting in the way. im tired of being alone tired of feeling empty and i know what could fill that void…but i dont know if doing it is the right thing. moving to a new country, going to a new school finding a new job; its alot of adjusting to do. creating a new life is hard it takes alot of guts. but thats something that will make me happy in the long run. everyone keeps asking me why dont you just come live here? and i ask myself that very question everythime i leave. my heart is deffinetly more there then here and sincerly living iwth half a heart is alot harder then you might think.
should i stay or should i go?
I miss my mom so much. It hurts doing all the things i did with her alone. I have to wait a whole eleven months to see her. Living this life gets harder and harder each time i see her then have to leave. Its not just seeing her its my dad and my brothers as well. My life is splattered between two polar opposite countries. I hate this feeling its so cold and lonely, the people i do live with are happy im back but im not….
i’ll love you till the sunrises.
no longer then that…
i love my dad i really do…but i dont want to see him i feel like it will take time for me to be ok with what hes done. his stay in rehab gave me the time and space that i needed from him..thing is ive ben told im a bad person for not wanting to see him. i honestly dont believe so becasue one can forgive just never forget. who am i really to forgive no one
I look back and wonder why
ever time i saw you i didnt try
you were the best
frankly much better then the rest
you waited for three years or so
even after i said no
i hooked you on for false hope
and when you were ready i was guna say, yea right you dope!
man how i miss that
how i’d be so silent yet there you sat
admiring god knows what?
i miss you and i miss all of that.
so dont get me wrong i dont want you now
i just think about it and start to wonder how?
i never saw you for who you are
how long is too long. i believe that not giving up is a virtue. i believe it’s what gives you strength to continue…but how long is too long?
I simply didnt want to loose you but now i just wish you would leave me and never come back. i dont need you nor do i actually want you in my life. still there is a part of me that doesnt let you go…i miss you so badly half the time and I dont know what there is to miss anymore because youve become a stranger to me now..i cant remember the last time we talked about who we are now, who we want to be..we never talk about anything that actually matters. i want to feel something for someone who is interested in me..and im interested in them i want to know their hearts desire. you should just let me go because wanting to be wanted is stronger then not wanting to want you at all.
Forever..i never thought it exsisted and im not saying every movie i watch is like reality to me because it clearly isnt. but forever sounds pretty comforting. knowing that for all eternity you’ll be with the one person who showed you how to live. the person that made your heart come alive…it seems hard to believe in forever and even harder to believe in never. but somehow i believe that they might exsist. i mean its early to come upon that someone you wouldnt mind spending forever with. that person that makes life one big journey. we havent had that spirit here since 1969…yet still those voices are calling far away. wake you up in the middle of the night just to hear them say what a nice suprise. maybe this is because i havent found anyone who could erase what i have felt what i have seen what i have witnessed. ive been programed to recieve….but never leave. and some people are just like that, they are born needing one person and one person only. its sounds a bit scary but ill really know this 10 years down the road.